If you follow me on Twitter (as you all should of course), you may have read yesterday where my surgeon canceled my upcoming, and when I say upcoming I mean the surgery was literally happening within 288 hours, surgery.

My medical Doctor here in San Francisco gave me a pre-surgery physical as my surgeon wanted. As I stated before on here, I have a health issue which ultimately will be the death of me. Its because I am not doing well based on my labs, that my Doctor decided to write a letter to the surgeon saying that while nothing may go wrong, my risk for infection could be greater, but may not be.

It’s because of this letter that the surgeon called me up expressing his concern with proceeding and said that I come back within 3-6 months if I am doing better at that time.


My surgeon wanted to do the physical, but since I was having the procedure done in Florida, it was easier for me to have the physical in San Francisco. I will now be looking for a surgeon either within the San Francisco area, or go with my second, and more expensive choice, in Florida, but have them do the physical.

EVERY SINGLE DOCTOR I SPOKE WITH…and I believe I had 6 consultations with various Doctors said that my condition wouldn’t be an issue in performing the surgery, or recovery. It’s because of one gray-ly worded letter from my medical Doctor that this entire thing has been put on the shelf. BTW, I have already called my rep at Kaiser and asked for a change in Doctors. I never want to see the face of the man who made 7 months of sleeping on the streets all a waste.

I am not sure how I will proceed. I might look for an apartment, and just continue saving and hope in 3-6 months I am ‘better’ and able to have the surgery, but more likely I will continue living on the streets in order to save up the extra ~$3000-5,000 needed to have the surgery done with a different surgeon, keeping my medical Doctor out of the loop.


Updated: A History of Dating…

I updated the History of Dating Nick post with the following new content. There is far too much to say about Jim, so keep your eyes out for a whole chapter in my book, but for now here is a brief summary of the three most recent guys I’ve dated…oh and that is THREE dates… since November…that is an average of one date every 38.6 days…or less than one per month.

Below is the updated info:

Jim – Jim started following me online around Pride 2009, where I had a very large break down mentally. Not the best time for a possible boyfriend to start reading about your life. One day he saw me on the Muni, and sent me an email on Facebook later that day. We hung out a few weeks later just as friends, getting to know each other, etc. He was kinda seeing this other guy at the time, and I didn’t want to impose or be a “home wrecker.” Our friendship blossomed, and we held hands one day. A few days later, I asked him out on a date. He said yes, and I remember him saying he enjoyed bowling. We went bowling on our date, grabbed ice cream, and just enjoyed each other’s company. A few days later, he said that this couldn’t continue due to a number of concerns he had. We stayed friends, and things eventually became romantic again, then he stopped it again…this happened about five more times (thus far as of writing this on Feb 24th). Every time with us getting close, sometimes kissing, sometimes more, sometimes less, and then almost as if he were to awake from some dream, his feelings would just as suddenly snap, and he wouldn’t even want to be friends. Jim is the closest I’ve gotten to any one person in San Francisco, and quite honestly since my best friend in high school over 10 years ago. I am uncertain of the future we have as friends, but I am hopeful that eventually we can work past these feelings we have and be friends.

Adam In Toronto – I met him the first night of a work trip in Toronto in the beginning of November 2009, we talked at The Barn and I ran into a guy I met the previous Toronto Trip, Phil. Adam and I hit it off and hung out every day while I was up there. We finally went out on our first and last date a few hours before I had to fly back to San Francisco. We sat down, had dinner, talked about our lives, goals, etc, but alas he lives in Canada, and I can’t immigrate there. He did come to San Francisco a few months later in February 2010 for 3 days, but things weren’t as we both remembered them, and it was a very strained trip…no dates, just showing him around SF and trying to not kill each other. We remain friends and hopefully will be able to stay that way for life, as for a relationship, I don’t see it in the works.

Leo – You can read all about the date with Leo here…let’s just say that he was already seeing someone else at the time, and at one point in the date even had him join us. Epic fail (on his and my part to be honest).

In all of this, with every single guy…I’ve been the person asking them out on a date. I’ve never in my entire life been asked out. That fact alone makes me realize that Nick/Tuck, and maybe in the future moving to a new city is something I might need…yet another new start and lease on life. Who knows what the future hold, but I am almost certain given my track wreck record, it isn’t anything good, and most certainly doesn’t involved someone who cares or loves me.

Paid In Full!

Today I made the final payment on Nick/Tuck surgery coming up in ONLY TWO WEEKS! I still can’t believe the day is almost here. The journey has been quite difficult. I’ve sleep outdoors, in dog shit, in the rain, and stayed with a few people along the way. You really get to find out who your real friends are when you embark on such a journey.

As it stands, by the day I get have the surgery I will had been homeless for 221 days, that is over SEVEN months! Despite what MANY (yes I am talking especially to you Dave Condie) have said along the way, I never went running home back to Florida, I never got in trouble with work, I never panicked and gave up; I stuck to my guns, sucked it up and look where I’m at now…ready for surgery! I know along the way I haven’t been the best with saving money, but I finally was able to accomplish my goal. I am hoping to find a place in early April to move in, but the following two weeks after the surgery I will be recovering at my parents house in Tampa Bay, Florida.

I’m very excited…I can’t wait to see the results. I hope to take a before picture to go along with an after picture, although I’ve never shown a picture of what I look like now (aka before), I might finally release that soon…

Anyway, thanks for the well wishes…can’t wait until the big day!

My First Caricature

I don’t know that it exactly looks like me, but it captures some elements of my persona (I particularly like the track jacket which made it into the image). Anyway figured I’d leave things on a upbeat and quick note before this miserable holiday weekend. Hope your weekend is more entertaining than mine and you have someone to share it with.

My Life In Song

Recently there has been a few various instances where my life has been summarized in song lyrics or a quote from a tv character, like this one from American Dad about a week ago:

However, there has never been an entire song where I felt as if it were written by me, word for word. There’s been songs where bits and pieces fit my life, but Lily Allen managed to capture my life in her song 22. Here’s the music video, lyrics, or listen to the whole song here (iLike):

More Lily Allen music on iLike

When she was 22 the future looked bright
But she’s nearly 30 now and she’s out every night
I see that look in her face, she’s got that look in her eye
She’s thinking how did I get here and wondering why

It’s sad but it’s true how society says her life is already over
There’s nothing to do and there’s nothing to say
‘Til the man of her dreams comes along
Picks her up and puts her over his shoulder
It seems so unlikely in this day and age

She’s got an alright job but it’s not a career
Whenever she thinks about it, it brings her to tears
Cause all she wants is a boyfriend, she gets one night stands
She’s thinking how did I get here, I’m doing all that I can

It’s sad but it’s true how society says her life is already over
There’s nothing to do and there’s nothing to say
‘Til the man of her dreams comes along
Picks her up and puts her over his shoulder
It seems so unlikely in this day and age

It’s sad but it’s true how society says her life is already over
There’s nothing to do and there’s nothing to say
‘Til the man of her dreams comes along
Picks her up and puts her over his shoulder
It seems so unlikely in this day and age

Online Dating…

Valentines Day is coming up, it’s a new year, and I figured I would full on into this online dating thing to see what happens. I signed up for after my friend Kyle (@KyleHD on Twitter) showed me their iPhone app.

So far I’ve sent out 185 messages (on OKCupid and more on, and gotten 7 replies. One creepy old men and the following 6 replies; I like to call these rejections, but well here is my problem. WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU STILL CHECKING YOUR EMAILS ON AN ONLINE DATING SITE IF YOU ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP??? On top of that, why even bother write back? Just be like the other 178 douchebags and ignore my email completely.

Don’t make me all excited that I have a new message notification on my iPhone only to find out you are in a committed relationship…or worse, on an ONLINE DATING SITE AND NOT LOOKING FOR COMMITMENT…WTF? If you want a hookup go to Adam4Adam or or something…Jesus.

Also, I’ve been on 5 months, and 5 days. I have yet to get a single email, reply, wink, phone call request, anything. I sent out tons of messages every month on that site as well….nada. If I didn’t have Nick/Tuck coming up, I honestly don’t even know what I would have to live for.

(BTW side note: Should this post be titled Online Dating… given it hasn’t yielded a single date?)

Here are the rest of the responses from OKCupid:

The guy above lives in Palo Alto (which is pretty close, and easy to get back/forth via CalTrain btw)

Scheduled: Nick/Tuck

I can’t believe the phone call I made today. I called up my surgeon to schedule my cosmetic procedures. I am technically having three things done all at the same time, no not 10 like Heidi Montag. I am having an abdominoplasty, liposuction on my flanks (love handles), and gynecomastia (chest). I am VERY excited about having this all done on MARCH 9TH.

That being said, I did watch these videos online yesterday and it made me sick to my stomach. This is the first part of what I’m having done. Watch on an empty stomach (so to speak)…

Anyway…I can’t wait. Thanks to everyone for the support and kind words while I endured this trying time in order to accomplish this goal.