2009 Sucked; 2010 Starts on a High Note

This is by far one of the worst years of my life. I’ve had health issues which are lingering on, I’ve been homeless for nearly 40% of the year, I feel as if the health issues and homelessness (on top of just standard aging) have aged my face quite a bit this year, and I never accomplished my goals of getting a boyfriend or any real friends that I can count on and turn to.

2008 was such an amazing year. I lost all my weight, finally came out, was having a great time living it up in San Francisco, I don’t understand how 2009 could had gone so horrifically wrong.

That being said, I did want to provide a Nick Tuck update. I now have all of the funds for the surgery (there is again a complication in holding up a portion of it which I can’t get into), but I am all ready to go and have it done once those funds clear. I also was able to afford a new laptop with my bonus from my company, and am quite excited about that…so going into 2010 things are on an upswing.

In 2010, I plan on moving off the streets of San Francisco and back into an apartment (most likely a room for rent). I plan on being in the best physical shape of my life, not only because of the surgery, but through rigorous working out and maintaining a healthy lifestyle and diet.

I turn 30 this year, and I am really hoping that I can set myself to be ready for that when it comes by improving myself and trying to become the best person I can until then.

I guess that is my 2009 review…so much happened, and I’m sure there is so much more to come…until then.

Merry…Day Off Work…

I’m just not feeling it this year…I don’t feel “bah humbug-ish,” and I certainly don’t feel like it is Christmas or any of this holiday cheer…I’m just indifferent. I had off Christmas Eve and today, Christmas Day, and it just feels like a regular weekend day.

I’ve been a bit more depressed more than normal recently, but other than that things are same old same old. If things don’t line up with the money, I won’t be able to have Nick Tuck until March due to a scheduling conflict at work.

Well …. yeah … Have a good…. day off work.

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Datings a Drag…

“If I wouldn’t had just started seeing this guy seriously earlier this week, I would had totally taken you home and had sex with you.”


That ISN’T how the night started. It is technically where it ended, at least in my mind. Last night I went out with this very cute Russian guy I had met on Loopt Mix. (For the non-tech savvy, Loopt is a way of updating where you are so you know where your friends are and vice versa. Loopt Mix is a spin off where you can look for people of similar interests nearby, be it dating, friendship, sex, etc.) We decided to grab drinks at Marlena’s first, and set the time for 6:30. He had asked if 6 or 6:30 was better, I choose the later as I wasn’t sure how it would go.

I wasn’t really excited for the date, as I’ve recently as this week kinda stopped seeing/hanging out with/whatever (he is a whole novel wrapped in a mystery wrapped in an enigma…and all for another day.) So, he was on my mind still and I didn’t have high expectations for the date. I’ve only been on 10 of them, and all of them 1st dates with 10 different guys…I don’t have much success.

I get there at 6:15 so I am early, but oh well. He texts me and informs me he won’t be there until 7, so now my 15 minutes early has turned into 45 minutes of waiting and well…drinking.

He shows up in bleached blonde hair; now this guy from earlier in the week I previously mentioned kept bugging me to dye my hair back to bleached blonde, and I did. LUCKILY, in a purging process, I dyed it back the night before the date to its natural dirty blonde. It would had just been silly two bleached blondes on a date. The conversation was okay…he talked a lot, and I laughed b/c I was nervous and wasn’t sure what to say.

katyaxmas_webWe went to Katya Smirnoff-Skyy’s new stage show Katya’s Holiday Spectacular, and the two people in all of San Francisco who can’t stand me, and I’ve tried to reconcile with, are also in the crowd. Fuck my life. They also both know my date and start conversing with him, totally ignoring me as per usual. Fuck my life. The show was amazing, did I mention he is Russian, so seeing Katya, who plays a Russian red headed Countess with an amazing classically trained voice is even more special. He also has done drag and stood in when Katya couldn’t make it before.

The night continues and we head back to Marlena’s for a night of drag, music, booze, etc. We are now having a great time, being a bit flirty, tipsy, etc. Things weren’t going spectacular, but going well none the less.

The bar is closing, and we hop in his car off to who knows where. Everything is closing, so we rush to the liquor store and grab a bottle of wine. While in the car outside talking, he says…

“If I wouldn’t had just started seeing this guy seriously earlier this week, I would had totally taken you home and had sex with you.”

Okay, so let’s be honest, sex is great, amazing, wonderful, fun, exciting, etc,endup_logobut I am looking for a boyfriend. I didn’t really want to have sex on the first date…this is my new strategy on trying to get a 2nd date. Oh well…so he’s got this other guy…great. Now he is like, do you want to go to The Endup. I’ve never ended up there before, so I figure what the hell. On the way there, he picks up this guy he is seeing. WHAT THE FUCK? Awkward, right? Fuck my life.

We go to The Endup, pay the $20 cover, and go in. I wasn’t having any of this night any longer, so I sneak off outside when they are making out, and hop in a cab back to the weekly rental hotel I’m staying at this week, and off to bed.

Fuck my life.

Nick's January Tuck

lipo1Well if all the stars are aligned, it seems as if I will be having my surgery in January. There is one private matter which might hold up things in terms of affording the surgery by then, but hopefully everything works out soon and I am able to set a date. Also, I should have the money to be able to afford to get off the streets and into an apartment by the time I get back from the surgery (if not sooner).

This past weekend I went down to Tampa Bay, Florida to visit family, but mainly to get consults for the upcoming surgery. My parents want me to do it down there near them, so that I can spend my recovery time at their place, instead of in San Francisco. It makes sense, and the Doctor said the follow up appointments would all take place within the following 2 weeks of the surgery.

I am really looking forward to finally reaching my goal and being able to feel comfortable in my own skin. Thanks for everyone who has donated and the well wishers along the way. It’s been a long road, but the light is certainly at the end of the tunnel.

BTW I plan on writing a year end post soon, specifically describing my progress on reaching my goals of having an ACTUAL real friend in San Francisco, and boyfriend (or hell even a 2nd date). Stay tuned…