Right now my life and the progression of it seems like it is stalled…its like this horrific vicious circle that I can’t get out of.
I can’t get a boyfriend, why?
Because I am fat and have loose skin whereas, why?
Because I lost a bunch of weight, but still don’t look like what I look like, why?
Because I can’t get a guy to go out with me or sleep with me more than once (and/or get a boyfriend), why?
… and so on and so on …
First let me remind you that I don’t subscribe to the whole “you can’t get someone to like you if you don’t like yourself first,” and I’ve detailed my thoughts on that here (so don’t even try to use that excuse).
Well I am breaking the circle. I am doing something about feeling better about myself, and how I look. That is why I am moving out of my apartment onto the streets of San Francisco in order to save up money for my surgery to get rid of the excess skin, fat and glands which are preventing me from looking like a normal citizen of the gay 20-something culture in San Francisco.
Do you agree? I doubt it, but look at it from my perspective. My 20’s are more going than coming these days. I’ve NEVER had a boyfriend, relationship with a guy, or so much as TWO dates with a guy who I liked or liked me. These are ALL things that every single person my age who I hang around with in SF have accomplished.
I see a fixable solution to my circle, and I am taking it. I am doing what needs to be done in order to accomplish my goals the fastest way I know. I’ve now had a few friends suggest that I sell my body for money in order to reach my goals faster. I don’t think they understand….I HATE MY BODY! My BODY has gotten me no where in terms of guys wanting to be with me after they see me nekkid once. Why on earth would someone pay to be with me, when I can’t even get someone to be with me more than once on my own?
Anyway, this is my decision. I am sticking to it for as long as I can. It is going to be a rough road ahead, but I look forward to looking back in a few months from now and realizing that the journey, no matter how rough, difficult, and unconventional it may be, will be worth it.