How many freaking times am I going to have to hear this? From people on Facebook, Twitter, in person, on here…etc. It literally makes me upset when people say this. Let me explain why for those of you who OBVIOUSLY don’t know me.
My ENTIRE life I have been overweight, fat, picked on, teased, mocked, etc. My parents in 2nd grade started to take me to a therapist to talk about the bullies at school. This was not the first nor the last time I was in a shrink’s chair.
Throughout grade school I saw another doctor or two for talk therapy…the only thing which stopped the bullies and the people picking on me was moving to a school where no one knew me, and I could start over fresh.
After high school I became even more suicidal and depressed. I moved to Alabama with this girl I was seeing, but didn’t really like when I was around age 21. When we separated and she stole all the money out of my bank account, I walked in front of a Semi only to be saved by my room mate. My parents came up and brought me back home to stay with them. A few days later my mom tells me that she called bill collectors and made payment arrangements for me…something I didn’t ask her to do, nor did I ever plan on paying them back. I didn’t know what to say so I gave her the silent treatment on the ride home from work.
She called both my psychologist and psychiatrist which I started to see and they had me put in the mental ward as they thought I had blanked out like I did when I walked in front of the semi. I hadn’t and was just mad at my mom…now was even more pissed b/c she got me locked up for about 3 weeks.
This wasn’t the first nor the last trip to the mental ward. There were numerous trips over the next few months & years. I saw more doctors outside of the hospital…I tried so many combinations of pills all of which had no effect on me or my mental state. Talk therapy didn’t work…locking me up didn’t work (I literally escaped on 2 or 3 occasions…once I got so far as to hop in a cab in the hospital parking lot, but the rush of hospital workers pouring out of the hospital to try to get me stopped the cabbie.)
I have been so screwed up for my entire life. Hell the New York Times even published a story of my suicidal ideations in relation to Twitter. I’ve been in and out of mental wards, in and out of so many doctors couches for therapy my entire life…it just doesn’t help.
Since moving to San Francisco and being able to feel free about who I am and come out, I have been healthier…mentally and physically. I lost 100lbs since I moved out here and have really only had one major suicidal outbreak, although the thought still plagues my thoughts most nights.
As I mentioned before…as long as I knew of such a thing, I wanted weight loss surgery. I LOST 100 POUNDS ON MY OWN…BY GOING TO THE GYM AND EATING RIGHT. I am sick of people telling me, “just go to the gym” or “just eat right” …I FUCKING DO!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have 100 pounds of weight loss to prove it you assholes. I now also have skin left over from being overweight my entire fucking life. I want to get rid of that, and I need to (both for my physical state, but also for my mental state).
So don’t fucking tell me to just go to the gym or start dieting…I have…and don’t tell me to just seek help…it doesn’t work. I will live my own life, you live yours.