"You Don't Need Surgery, You Need Therapy"

How many freaking times am I going to have to hear this? From people on Facebook, Twitter, in person, on here…etc. It literally makes me upset when people say this. Let me explain why for those of you who OBVIOUSLY don’t know me.


My ENTIRE life I have been overweight, fat, picked on, teased, mocked, etc. My parents in 2nd grade started to take me to a therapist to talk about the bullies at school. This was not the first nor the last time I was in a shrink’s chair.

Throughout grade school I saw another doctor or two for talk therapy…the only thing which stopped the bullies and the people picking on me was moving to a school where no one knew me, and I could start over fresh.

After high school I became even more suicidal and depressed. I moved to Alabama with this girl I was seeing, but didn’t really like when I was around age 21. When we separated and she stole all the money out of my bank account, I walked in front of a Semi only to be saved by my room mate. My parents came up and brought me back home to stay with them. A few days later my mom tells me that she called bill collectors and made payment arrangements for me…something I didn’t ask her to do, nor did I ever plan on paying them back. I didn’t know what to say so I gave her the silent treatment on the ride home from work.

Christmas party with Ellen

She called both my psychologist and psychiatrist which I started to see and they had me put in the mental ward as they thought I had blanked out like I did when I walked in front of the semi. I hadn’t and was just mad at my mom…now was even more pissed b/c she got me locked up for about 3 weeks.

This wasn’t the first nor the last trip to the mental ward. There were numerous trips over the next few months & years. I saw more doctors outside of the hospital…I tried so many combinations of pills all of which had no effect on me or my mental state. Talk therapy didn’t work…locking me up didn’t work (I literally escaped on 2 or 3 occasions…once I got so far as to hop in a cab in the hospital parking lot, but the rush of hospital workers pouring out of the hospital to try to get me stopped the cabbie.)

I have been so screwed up for my entire life. Hell the New York Times even published a story of my suicidal ideations in relation to Twitter. I’ve been in and out of mental wards, in and out of so many doctors couches for therapy my entire life…it just doesn’t help.

Since moving to San Francisco and being able to feel free about who I am and come out, I have been healthier…mentally and physically. I lost 100lbs since I moved out here and have really only had one major suicidal outbreak, although the thought still plagues my thoughts most nights. mentalward

As I mentioned before…as long as I knew of such a thing, I wanted weight loss surgery. I LOST 100 POUNDS ON MY OWN…BY GOING TO THE GYM AND EATING RIGHT. I am sick of people telling me, “just go to the gym” or “just eat right” …I FUCKING DO!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have 100 pounds of weight loss to prove it you assholes. I now also have skin left over from being overweight my entire fucking life. I want to get rid of that, and I need to (both for my physical state, but also for my mental state).

So don’t fucking tell me to just go to the gym or start dieting…I have…and don’t tell me to just seek help…it doesn’t work. I will live my own life, you live yours.

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13 thoughts on “"You Don't Need Surgery, You Need Therapy"

  1. Well.. after reading this i understand you and I think this operation will make you happier…
    It is utterly important for our mental health to think that we look good. Appearance is very important and opens you many doors…I know it’s not fair but it’s a painful truth. So when you feel comfortable, you look comfortable- you are more successful in your private and professional life…
    So I wish you all the best!! πŸ™‚ And hope the surgery will make you feel better… πŸ™‚

    Take care xx

  2. Hey dude…I just want to say I’m sorry to hear that life has been so difficult. Believe me when I say I have my own version of that story. You have very simply a treatment resistant form of depression. It doesn’t mean it isn’t workable. In particular, you need to go to a top hospital like Stanford (not UCSF – they are all psychodynamic). They have programs that are designed specifically for people in your (our) situations. They might even suggest ECT (electro convulsive therapy), which is not what it’s made out to be in the movies – it’s very effective and not painful (you are sedated) for people with severe resistant depression. You would need to have all of your records sent to them ahead of time so you will not have to redo all the basic therapy/med steps. You would also have to be open to checking in for a while so they can figure out what works. In fact, I would suggest you get checked in and run the show yourself – tell them you want to be happy when you leave, not just “stabilized.” Of course finances are a problem, but if it’s a matter of being angry/sad the rest of your life or getting better and truly LIVING (with some financial debt), you might spend the money on something that makes you HAPPY not just look better. BTW congrats on the weight loss – 100lbs is quite a feet. I’m going to ask you to not contact me any more about this though, b/c I cannot ethically do more than tell you my thoughts…I hope you are on a road to joy and happiness – it is possible…seriously! A

  3. Hey kiddo. I think having surgery for the loose skin isn’t a bad idea at all.

    For overall total health … taking care of yourself from the inside out is exceptionally important. Working out, eating healthy as well as talking to a therapist are all wonderful and good things for you. I do that.

    I was a bit of a chunky monkey when I was younger and I was constantly picked on for being different and I started therapy off and on since I was 12 years old. Discovering weightlifting and fitness came in college and I stuck w/ it through out my life.

    If I didn’t take my Wellbutrin for my depression, didn’t work out and didn’t talk to a therapist, I would be dead now.

    Please don’t be so hard on yourself and others and remember there are loads of people who love and care about you.

    Take care!

  4. Have you thought about contacting reality television shows like Dr. 90210 so you could have your surgery done for free?

  5. Honestly, it doesn’t sound like you’ve given talk therapy a chance. You haven’t tried therapy since you moved to San Francisco. I’m not buying that you’ve “tried everything” and I’m not buying that you think being homeless to save money for plastic surgery is a good idea.

  6. No, you need a good personal trainer, not some guy giving you shitty advice on how he trains for aerial acrobatics. The only place your are seriously fucked in the head is that you want to be homeless to pay for the procedure. Dumbest fucking choice EVER. I advocate the procedure, go for it. Get the
    money some othe way than living on the streets.

  7. Hey Nick, Sorry about the “cat woman” remark. I deleted it from Twitter. I’ve always thought you looked good and was amazed when I read your story of losing all the weight.
    I think this will help a great deal as I’ve seen myself now in the occasional camera lens and I cringe. You just be safe and save up the money and get the body that is going to make you both mental and physically happy!

  8. OK, got here via your tweet just a bit ago that linked to the blog post right before this one. I’m sure you don’t care, but I have to opinions on this. The first is the crap you don’t want to hear, but just hear me out.

    1) I’m a bit of a health nut, and really believe that if you actually learn to eat right and dedicate yourself to working out, you could be in amazing shape. Seriously, the pic you posted, you’re not as big as you may be seeing in your mind. I got sick of being chunky back in 2002 and bounced from one trainer to the next until I finally found someone who actually knew what the fuck they were talking about. I competed in my first fitness & figure competition a year later.. placing 3rd in my class. It *can* be done.

    2) Now that I’ve said that, I’m also a plastic surgery advocate. I believe that it can be a wonderful thing… IF… you educate yourself about the procedure that you want done and you find a BOARD CERTIFIED plastic surgeon. So many people make a dump mistake by going with the “bargain” surgeon. Set up as many consultations as you can, feel out each of the surgeons, ask a lot of questions. I may be stating the obvious, but some people just have to much trust in medical professionals. Once this is done to your body, there’s no 100% fix if you end up with ugly scars. Just *please* do your research πŸ™‚

    Like you, I don’t by this whole “you need therapy” thing. You don’t suffer from Body Dysmorphic Disorder or any of that other crap. I heard all the same things before my surgery. It’s not like this idea of lypo just popped in your head overnight. If you’ve been thinking about it this long, then it just take it all seriously, save up your money, and find a good surgeon.

    I worked really hard through college to save the money for my surgery. It took my 5 years but I saved every dime. I didn’t want to go in debt or take out a loan, so I learned to be patient and just save. I’m not saying go be homeless, because that’s never fun. But, I did cut my bills where I needed too. I had the cheapest, junkiest cell phone, I stopped going for manis and pedis twice a week, gave up tanning salons, highlights, etc. Funny enough, I even cleaned out my closets and sold old stuff on eBay.. and made a few hundred to put toward my surgery fund.

    It took a long time, but I used the time to research the procedure, doctors, and made some great connections on plastic surgery support forums. Thankfully, my time did come, and I’m already 1.5 years post op.

    OK, so I know I wrote a novel, and it may sound silly for one to say they’re passionate about plastic surgery… but I just think it’s really important to share and help educate, as someone sent me a similar message when I was in your shoes. Best of luck πŸ™‚

    Lindsay

  9. Congrats on the weight loss. I fully understand the desire for the tummy tuck for I am in a similar boat. About 7 years ago I had bariatric surgery and lost in total about 130 lbs. That ring of spare flash hanging, complete with stretch marks is nasty and I’d like it gone too.
    It’s just one of those things I have to save up for.

    Again, congrats on losing the weight without the surgery. That is will power. In time, with that same drive, you will be able to afford the procedure.

  10. People have told you not to get surgery for skin removal? Shit, do it man. If I ever lost 100 pounds I sure as hell would. The whole point is to feel better about yourself, go feel better man.

  11. Nick

    I am a qualified doctor of psychology. Reading this makes me so sad – you have unconsciously placed a condition on feeling better – the surgery – and no matter what anyone does or says they cannot get you past that condition.

    I really hope it does work out for you.

    I did a similar thing a few years ago for myself and when my condition was satisfied I got what I hoped for. I really really hope you do.

    Ben

  12. You are such an attention whore. You complain about everything. You’re cute. You’re alone? oh well so are a ton of other people. Quit begging for sympathy through blogs and status updates. Not cute, and certainly not a way to get someone to want to be with you.

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