"Sometimes You Just Need To Stop Looking"

FUCK YOU! (I don’t want to sound so mean at the beginning of the post, but please read on…I have a logical explanation to why I feel this way) Anyone who sends me this message of “sometimes you need to stop looking for a relationship” can …well you get the point. I hear this message EVERY single time I complain about being single. Let me see if I can explain a little history here, and afterwards I don’t EVER EVER EVER want to hear another person say this to me AGAIN!

I have been single since 2002, when I was dating this girl (yes a girl) who was married and had children, but was in the beginning stages of a divorce. It was a VERY messy breakup, and things went horrifically wrong. The girl and I were ….well let me explain this first. I am VERY codependent. In this girlfriend I found someone who was like me in more ways than I ever imagined possible. Ultimately it didn’t work out, and we separated. I moved back to Florida and moved on with my life.

Before 2002 and this girlfriend, not during, but after the breakup I have been attracted to men and gone on to do things with other guys. This is really no secret, but the entire time which I have been attracted to guys, not ONCE have I had a boyfriend. Now the last relationship was in 2002. Here is where I get pissed off when people say, “Sometimes you need to stop looking.” Since 2002….SEVEN FUCKING YEARS AGO, I have gone through periods of REALLY doing anything I could to get in a relationship, and MANY times where I just couldn’t be bothered with one. Hell I lived in my car for over a year, and that entire time there was no way that I was looking for a relationship. So…by your “logic” when I’m not looking I am bound to find a relationship…WRONG!


Okay, let’s take into account that I’ve only been “datable” looking (I was really fat before… and still have fat left over, but I’m hoping to get Belt lipectomy sometime within the next year) for say 7 months now. During that time frame I have been working, going out, making “friends”, etc. I have had periods where I was far too busy to concentrate on looking for a boyfriend. Only until recently, did I actively start looking for one. I signed up for Chemistry.com on Christmas Day, and spent $159 for a 6 month membership. Since then I have had not one….not even ONE…person contact me back on there, and apparently I’ve gone so far as exhaust all available “candidates” in San Francisco, that Chemistry is now trying to connect me with people as far away as Sacramento (remember I don’t have a car).

I really don’t want to be mean sounding, but I can’t stand hearing people say, “Just stop looking and it will happen.” That ISN’T TRUE…and don’t believe it when people tell you it is. If you want something you have to go out of your way to get it yourself. You can’t count on anyone in this world but yourself, and if you want something you must be willing to fight tooth and nail for it.


7 thoughts on “"Sometimes You Just Need To Stop Looking"

  1. I just quickly want to touch on a few things here that I’ve seen from you on Twitter.

    First, if you’re actively looking a serious relationship with someone, you can’t continue to have these one-night stands with random guys every night and then publicly Twitter about them. What guy in their right mind that is serious about a relationship as well wants to see or hear of this from a possible-future-significant-other?

    I know that if I was looking for a relationship, and found out the girl I was talking to had been messing around with random guys for the past god-knows-how-long while also trying to find a steady relationship isn’t worth my time.

    And relationships is always about just hitting match.com and expecting to find the perfect match. Sometimes it’s JUST HAPPENS when you least expect it. I’m working on six years with the girl I’m with now, and when I met her I was feeling like you.

    I had a terrible breakup with the previous girl I was with and really feeling down and out about myself. I stopped looking and expecting for another relationship, just began enjoying life as much as I could, and about that time she came along.

    Keep your chin up Nick, things could ALWAYS be worse. If you don’t think so, come talk to me personally and I will give you a vivid description of how it can be, I’ve been face-to-face with it.

  2. “First, if you’re actively looking a serious relationship with someone, you can’t continue to have these one-night stands with random guys every night and then publicly Twitter about them. What guy in their right mind that is serious about a relationship as well wants to see or hear of this from a possible-future-significant-other?” – John

    Also adding Myspace/Facebook and any other public note to that list…. and the bathhouse thing, ya might want to stop (not talking about the job, just the going to them for recreation and posting about it part) Unless the guy was into that but if he’s looking for a LTR I seriously dout it. You won’t find what your looking for there anyways. And seems you get into a funk after you go anyways 😛 that can’t be good for you.


  3. I don’t want to be mean, but all of your complaining makes you seem desperate. I wouldn’t want to date a guy who was desperate. It’s too intense – there’s too much pressure.

  4. I am really sorry Nick, but your posts on facebook and twitter are really sleazy. I wouldn’t want anything to do with somebody like you. I am surprised that you haven’t got AIDS already. All you ever do is go out and get drunk, spend all of your money on alcohol. What kind of guy would want you in his life?

    You are just so offputting. Your hair is weird, you sound desperate all the time and I am sorry to tell you this hunny, but if you want a boyfriend, you need to work on yourself.
    You just come across as being a complete whore and that is really not cool any more

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