Jeremie Wallis – Dangerous, Kidnapper, Bitter, Undermining, and Jealous

Jeremie WallisI’ve been in the national news cycle a few times in the past year, that’s no secret. There are always people who come out of the woodwork with comments both negative and positive. I want to focus on my particular person, Jeremie Wallis. From what I’m told my boyfriend/partner/lover Brian is friends with Jeremie and picked him up from the airport when Brian moved from Alaska in March of 2012. Every time that I’ve been in the news Jeremie comes out to post comments to Facebook on how he wishes he could save Brian from me and undermines our relationship. It’s disgusting that someone who doesn’t even know me other than what he reads online undermines the love I have for Brian. It’s disgusting and I’m sick of being silent about it.

Here is a post where Jeremie Wallis says that he should had drugged Brian and kidnapped him.

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Here is where Jeremie Wallis again suggests that he should had kidnapped Brian by drugging him until Brian loved him.

jeremie4

 

Here Jeremie Wallis is stating how I am a terrible waste of existence and how it breaks his heart that Brian is with me (and not him)

jeremie1

 

Here he suggests that I should kill myself by jumping off a bridge …

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This man is dangerous, a potential kidnapper, bitter, undermining, and jealous. How dare you try to undermine what I have built with Brian, a person you call your friend. You are one who needs to be saved from. No one should have a friend who treats their friend’s partnership with such disgust. Adrian_Ryan_-__addidasisnotspanx__glasshole___DIAF

 

I suggest that Brian file a restraining order against this scary person who has expressed kidnapping and drugging thoughts towards Brian. Jeremie Wallis is dangerous! Be warned!

 

Here is a live version of Facebook where his comment is still up! These are not photoshop as this demented person is trying to claim. 

Turning Your Lights on with Google Glass

HA779_AV2 (1)Last Christmas I asked my parents for one thing, the Philips Hue lighting system to which they replied, “$200 for 3 bulbs?!?! We’ll give you a gift card to Apple instead.” Fortunately the Apple store was the exclusive retailer for this new lighting system. 8 months later and we now have 7 bulbs, a LightStrips, and Bloom light all which tie into our Philips Hue system. Oh we also have an iPod touch mounted to the wall running the iOS app 24/7 for easy access to the various light recipes. Needless to say we love the system and the ability to control our lights from anyway, and even have our own light recipe which turns on automatically when we come home, when it rains, and at sundown. Cool stuff!

Enter Google Glass. Now there isn’t an official app for Philips Hue yet for Glass, but both systems can speak to IFTTT, a service where one event triggers another on different services. In this case, a text message to IFTTT triggers the Philips Hue lights to turn on/off or start a new light recipe.

To set this all up on IFTTT activate the SMS channel and the Philips Hue channel. This would also work with the Belkin WeMo channel as well if you have those light switches. Now add IFTTT as a contact on MyGlass with the sms number provided from IFTTT. Now simply say, “Ok Glass… Send a message to IFTTT… ” and then based on which IFTTT recipe you activated say the action. Here are a few great examples of texts to say to Glass and what actions occur (note you must say the word hashtag which Glass will resolve to #) :

https://ifttt.com/recipes/97572 - “… #HueOn” or specifically say, “hashtag hueon” to turn the lights  you chooseor all lights on.

https://ifttt.com/recipes/99316 - “…#off” to turn off all lights.

https://ifttt.com/recipes/111843 - “…#movie” to dim all lights to 20% for movie time.

https://ifttt.com/recipes/109384 - “…#hue <color>” where the color is whatever color you want all the lights to change to.

https://ifttt.com/recipes/93711 - “…#DanceParty” (my personal favorite) to start a color loop with all the lights.

There are a lot more recipes which exist and even more that you can create for yourself. So have fun… We might not have flying cars or self lacing shoes, but you can start a dance party at home with your heads up display!

*As a note this guide relies on SMS which Google Glass currently only supports through MyGlass Android app. You could follow all the same instructions with an email channel on IFTTT for use with an iOS device or Glass on Wifi instead of SMS & Android. 

One Year Seattleversary

It was one year ago … this very minute that I checked into my new home in Seattle, Washington. I lived in San Francisco for 3 years, 7 months, 9 days after moving there on September 22, 2007.

I’m glad that I moved to Seattle, and have enjoyed my time here. I am now back working full time for a major internet company making more than I ever have, am busy nearly every night with events with friends, and even host a weekly party at my place where my friends and I get together for drinks and sometimes games. I even experienced snow for the first time in my life!

I also have a TON more space than any place I lived while in San Francisco, and for the first time since living in Florida have my own bathroom! … I even have my own home bar that I’ve started as a pet project that I’m really enjoying…and in the next day or so, it will even show up on Google Maps!

I am so thankful for all my friends and opportunities moving to a new city has afforded me. In moving here I planned to be here for 10 years, then hopefully back to San Francisco or who knows where… so here’s to one amazing year down… 9 more to go!

To my friends and loved ones…

After the past week’s events I’de like to say a few words and then wish to not discuss this any further.  Also, this post only has a limited shelf life … it will be removed when it is appropriate.

I’d venture to say that for the first time in a long time, I’ve gained a strong group of friends for my short time in Seattle. While the group might not be humongous in size, I can say that I am happy to have them around me and in my life. I apologize for my behavior of late and have been voluntarily seeking professional help and will continue to. I am looking forward to reconnecting with my friends and making new friends. It’s been tough but I do appreciate all the support.

If you or I want to have a friendship or discussion I’d be welcome to that and hope that you would as well.

I apologize for any heartache or stress I might’ve caused anyone this past week. There were obviously scenarios beyond my control where I wasn’t able to communicate in a digital method, and getting anything out until now has been almost impossible.

Thank you again for listening,

Nick Starr

P.S. I’m loyal to a fault… I would do anything for those in my life I consider friends… Ask anyone who I consider a true friend and they can cite many times that I’ve gone out of my way to help them out… even sometimes when I didn’t want to. I’m actually a nice guy… and to those who have gotten to know the real me not the “Nick Starr” you read about online … know that I’m actually not evil…daresay a good person. 

Why Am I The Way I Am?

I think a lot of people have a hard time understanding the things I do, the way I act, and the reason for me being so open and public about everything. I want to see if maybe I can explain a bit of logic behind my reasoning, and at the same time express what some people fail to understand, I desperately want to have a friend and boyfriend by my side…in fact I feel I NEED that.

I am codependent.

This statement is at the core of everything I do. It is the answer to all of the questions and reason for nearly everything I do. My entire life, I grew up in size husky jeans, I was teased all throughout Elementary and Middle school, I was mocked, picked on, and teased. I turned to the church as my parents made us go, and that didn’t help either. I would go on to be teased for my beliefs. I never found anywhere that I fit in, and honestly to this day still haven’t.

High school was different, I found my first real and only so far in my life best friend. We hung out almost daily and had quite a bit in common. Post high school we kept in contact until he ended up dating, and eventually marrying a girl who disliked me, and thus we lost touch.

Since that point, I’ve never really had someone I can ask to go out to the movies with, or call up for a quick dinner, or drink. I have people who care about me namely my family, and one or two people in San Francisco, but no real “call up and grab a quick drink or movie or plan a trip together” type friends. I desperately need that.

See even though I lost 100lbs after moving to San Francisco, I still am at heart that 250lb 2nd grader getting mocked and friendless in my head. I was out on a date this past Friday, and he brought up my posting about having so much sex while in Chicago and posting about it on Twitter. His first thought was that, “this guy hates himself.” He hit the nail on the head… I HATE MYSELF.

My entire life, I was told I wasn’t as good as, wasn’t as attractive as, wasn’t as successful as…etc. This permeates my every thought on a daily basis. I don’t feel as if I’m attractive enough for someone to want to be with me, and am often quite shocked myself that someone would want to be with me physically. So, because of this, in having sex with some random guy validates me if only for a brief few minutes. Yet that isn’t enough, I feel the need for others to know that I’m worthwhile, I’m attractive enough, and that someone else actually thinks so…this is why I post about my random sexual encounters.

I need that validation. Based on my my life expectancy, my life is nearly half over…and there is nothing that is going to be able to change that…that I need to have some sort of validation to even slightly make me feel worthwhile and like myself. I have never been happy a moment in my life unless I had someone by my side to experience it with me.

This is why more than ANYTHING I want a boyfriend. People often see my post about random sexual encounters and think that is all I want…it couldn’t be further from the truth. Having a relationship would provide the constant validation that I need to feel like a worthwhile member of society.

I engage in random sexual acts because I need the validation, and based on decades of previous experiences, I’m not going to be getting a boyfriend anytime soon. I need to have something to make me feel a sense of worth, so in the meantime I have to settle for what I can get.

Now does being promiscuous perhaps turn away potential suitors, perhaps, but at the same time the moment I go out with a person, I refrain from any sexual encounters, flirting, cruising, etc of ANYONE else. After the date with Sam this past Friday, I had brunch with a friend and discussed how until I found out where things were going (turns out no where) that I was abstaining from anyone else. I so desperately need for something to work with a guy and at the even brief chance of it happening, I am do everything in my power to not wreck it.

That being said, public opinion might be that I’m only out to hook up, but that isn’t the case at all…I want someone by my side. In a heartbeat I would do anything necessary to keep what might have the potential for a future.

So why not hang out with someone I hook up with again? Well I’ve tried that…I would get their number, text for a few days…sometimes they would write back, but more often they wouldn’t. It seems as if San Francisco, especially people my age and younger aren’t so much interested in dating when it is so easy to find someone to hook up with…I however am. I have turned a few hookups into a date, but as evidenced here, they never went any further than that.

I want to address the whole “you aren’t going to find anyone until you love yourself” notion. THAT ISN’T GOING TO HAPPEN! No matter how many people nor times I hear it. I simply cannot love myself unless I have the validation of someone else. I’ve been dealing with therapist trying to get me to love myself since I started seeing a shrink in 2nd grade. THIS ISN’T GOING TO HAPPEN. I will never  ever love myself, unless I have someone to first love me. This is just how my brain functions… I will literally block any commenter, or reply to anyone who dares to try to suggest otherwise.

That being said, more than anything I just need to be liked, to be loved, to have someone acknowledge that I exist and that I’m worth something. Until I have that, and even more so when I do get it, I will continue to feel the need to express the brief moments of acceptance in a public fashion in order to let others know that I’m worth something. I need to have someone in my life who can provide this for me.

Updated History of Dating Nick (Tatum & Sam)

Here is an update to the most recent two dates I’ve had…granted they are nearly a year apart, but alas, I don’t get many dates… both involve a horrible first date, and no second date in sight…ever… In fact I’ve never had a second date with anyone. The entire history of dating Nick can be found here.

[Updated Jan 23rd, 2011]

Tatum (March 2010)- We met on some iOS app for gay dating/hookup. We talked for a bit, and finally decided to meet, and had dinner down by Stanford where he was going to school. The date went very wrong fast when he asked me when the last time I had sex was, and in my open and honest nature, I told him it was the day previous. His entire demeanor changed after that. It didn’t go well whatsoever. We did continue to hang out occasionally, and not date, but just go out as friends more or less…although he did meet my parents when they were in town and took us to the Tonga Room. Eventually, I told him I just wasn’t attracted to him, and that it wasn’t going anywhere.

Sam (Jan 21, 2010)- Sam and I also met on a gay hookup/ dating app when he was in town for No Pants day (apparently he has a history of going to such events based on his facebook albums). We talked for about 3 weeks, and he was quite sweet in trying to work around my schedule for when we would eventually go out. While we were talking and before we met, I went to Chicago and had a sex crazed weekend, and tweeted about it. He went to New Orleans that same weekend and spent it with and I quote, “the boy who would be his boyfriend, if it weren’t for the distance and the fact that he smoked.” We eventually had a nice dinner (although the yams were the best part about the food). We talked about our various tech habits, new apps, jobs, etc. The conversation went quite well, at this point there wasn’t any obvious chemistry, but that might be because he was waiting to spring my past weekend in Chicago on me. On the ride over to The Crunchies after party he stared asking me about my weekend in Chicago, quoting tweets to me such as this one, and this, and this. He told me that 5 of his friends independent of each other had sent him to my Twitter page to read thru my lascivious activities the previous weekend. No matter how much I tried to explain that while I very much do want a boyfriend, in the meantime I also have needs, wants, desires, etc…and I have always been open and honest about everything…it’s in part why so many people follow me online. Well my behavior the previous weekend was quite the turn off apparently to him. He drove me home and walked me to my front door. We spoke the next day, to which he expressed a desire to never see me again…. making that 1st date number 12…2nd date number zero still.

Matthew Lush (@MatthewLush) Suggests Gays Commit Suicide

Matthew Lush, ‘An Internet celebrity who is also known as “gay god” (Urban Dictionary),’ in his most recent YouTube video titled Gay Talk UNCENSORED (at 4:46) was asked if he found himself married in a couple years. Matthew Lush goes on to reply that while he would like to be married by 25. Lush goes on to say, “I don’t want to be like 30 and alone because that would be really sad and I would just want to kill myself.Matthew Lush, I am 30 and alone… should I kill myself?

Start video at 4 minutes 47 seconds.

I grew up in a very Christian household, and thus felt I couldn’t be my true self when I was living there, and even after moving out. I was deathly afraid that if I went a gay bar someone might recognize me and it get back to my family and friends. I created a fake name when trying to meet guys locally. I even would drive over 100 miles each way from the Tampa Bay area to Orlando, Florida to go to gay clubs because I was afraid. Afraid of coming out, afraid of who I was, afraid that it was a sin and I would spend eternity in hell.

Nick Starr suicide

Because of my upbringing and fears, I wasn’t able to come out until after I packed up and moved into my car and moved all the way to San Francisco. I still didn’t even feel comfortable coming out until after living here 7 months. Finally May 19, 2008, when I was 27 (and a half) years old, I finally felt free enough to come out to not just myself, but family, friends, followers, anyone and everyone.

Because of this, I had a late start in terms of dating. I wasn’t married by 25 as Matthew Lush wishes he was, and find myself a 30 year old gay man living in one of the gayest cities in the world, San Francisco, and I’m not only single, but also have never even had a second date. I also have a vast history of depression, and suicidal ideations and even attempts. Hell someone even wrote a paper on my mental breakdowns as part of their doctorate. So, Matthew Lush, how is advocating a gay man at age 30 who is unmarried / partnered / single to kill himself in any way beneficial?

Matthew Lush is an advocate of gay suicide. He himself said that he would kill himself. So, Matthew Lush, would you like to drive me to the Golden Gate Bridge so that I can kill myself? I’m sure someone will return the favor on your 30th birthday if you are single.

#ItGetsWorse

(Images courtesy of Feast of Fun and BeforeiForget respectively)

Move along…

If you are looking for info about me, your best bet is to follow along with some of the new social media sites I use on a daily basis…this site is rarely ever updated.

Twitter – @NickStarr
Facebook – Nick Starr
Tumblr – t.NickStarr.com
Flickr – NickStarr
TwitPic – NickStarr

Also, I am getting back more into tech news which you can follow on my dedicated Twitter account for that:
Twitter – @TechStarr

The Stalker's Demands

Last night the stalker messaged me and I spoke with him or “they/we” via text for a little bit. They suggest they would stop if I met 3 demands….

  • 1) I remove the previous blog entry about “them”
  • 2) Publicly disclose items on social media sites which would defame my character
  • 3) Have sex with people I was a “jerk to” when I was at Steamworks (a gay sex club) and/or on Grindr.

This last claim is absolutely ridiculous, and also leads me to believe that apparently this person(s) is someone(s) that I didn’t sleep with, rejected, or even told off when they tried to advance on me sexually in a way I didn’t want. That might not be the case and I might be way off, but either way this person is disturbing and is the textbook definition of a stalker:

one who proceeds in a steady, deliberate, or sinister manner

That being said here is the conversation last night with this twisted individual. I had previously removed the Google Voice number this person was using to text me from, but I am again posting it. If you wish to say something to this person, please send a text to 415-449-0626. This is a Google Voice number and doesn’t seem to be attached to a phone, so only texting or leaving a voice mail will get through to the person(s).

Your Mom's Box

Famous last words of Opie and Anthony before they were kicked off the air … and a fitting title for this post. I’ve been in the social media “spotlight” every since the beginning days of podcasting back in 2004. I’ve had almost every aspect of my life discussed online…and in almost every case there were negative people bashing me and going out of their way to try to hurt me.

I’ve had:

  • My parents phone number listed on forums where people would call non-stop,
  • I had people fax naked pictures into my place of employment,
  • call my phone so much that I had to change my number a few times…and someone who worked for the cellular company I was with kept giving out my new number to these “haters.”
  • I had 2 of my tires slashed while waiting in line for the first iPhone.
  • I had people call up and pretend to have a job lined up for me when I was thinking of moving (thank God I didn’t fall for that one).
  • I had people anonymously (oh and that is the BIGGEST THING…is that they ALWAYS are anonymous…when I put my entire life online, you have to hide behind your fake username, email address, etc) email my place of work threatening to never go to the establishment again because they employed a homeless person like myself, when I was saving for my surgery.
  • I even have had someone call up the IRS and submit fake documentation that I was cheating on my taxes.

Most recently a few people have been texting me with personal information about my family, and myself. Here are the transcripts of the text messages being sent from a Google Voice number, once again showing the cowardice of the person hiding behind the anonymity of the internet.

As you can see the harassment has been non-stop and gotten worse over the years. I don’t need it, I didn’t ask for it, and I haven’t done a single thing like this to anyone else. The phone number I listed above is the FIRST time I’ve ever publicly given out information about another person who. I don’t even give phone numbers to mutual friends who ask me for them.

I am sick of this. I don’t know why people have all this extra time on their hands where they can sit around and try to fuck with me, but I am done with it. I am going to try to live my life for my self, and not for others. I want to try to back away from social media in a large role as I have been currently, and move into a more casual user. I am not going away forever, although that might be the best option right now. I just don’t want to have to deal with mean people any longer.

That all being said, there have been infinitely more positive people and friends I’ve made along the way, and feel free to keep in contact with me, thru DM or email, etc. It is just the people who are vindictive and evil who ruin it for everyone.

With all that being said….I’m out for a while….

Your Mom’s Box.

Update: It would seem as if the threatening has not stopped….This is what was texted last night: