I am sick of people trying to blame me exclusively for not being able to get a second date with a guy…so let me run down my history of dating thus far with guys. This is a list of guy’s I’ve legitimately gone out with and we both knew it was a real date.
Michael P- I talked to Michael online, bumped into him at a bar one night, etc. I was never really that attracted to him in the end, plus sexually we weren’t a match, well at least I thought so. We hung out for a while because our friends were mostly the same and we ended up in the same places together. We went out on our own but ultimately I wasn’t into him and we weren’t dating/exclusive/etc and I hooked up with someone else and that is how that ended.
Jovan - A hookup which lead to a dinner, and no where else. I didn’t even want to go on the dinner with him.
Junior - He passed out in the bathroom of the cocktail mixer we were attending. I tried contacting him numerous times after this, and eventually heard from him months and months later. Something about a rough time in his life, embarrassed because of what happened, etc.
Ben - Ben and I went and had a great time together at this tech event at 21st Amendment. We heard about this other party thru a friend, and with this friend headed to the other party. The next morning the host of the party and my iPhone were missing. Ben was blamed, I was blamed, it turned into this huge controversy online, police were called to question Ben if he took the phones, and after that he wanted no part of hanging out with ‘my friends’ or people like that at the party who would blame him simply b/c they didn’t know him. To this day no one knows who took the phones, as they were ‘anonymously returned.’
Michael D- Michael was the closest to a …well…I don’t even know. When we first met we hooked up, we would see each other nearly every day, but it was more as friends. We didn’t kiss, we didn’t hold hands, we never had sex again. In the end we hated each other and no longer talk.
Alfredo - He was such a great guy. We hung out and while we did end up having sex on the first date, we still talked and things seemed to be going well. He invited me out to brunch a few days later, which one might think would be a date, but it was to tell me that he was accepted to college in Santa Barbara, and would be leaving in the next few weeks, and didn’t want to get emotionally involved in a situation where he knew he would be leaving.
Dawson - We hung out and had a great evening. Later on that night, after we had parted ways, I find out that he had a great evening the night previously with my neighbor. I’m not sure if he found out that I knew he was going out on dates with multiple people or not, and I did hear that he changed rehab programs and was staying in a different rehab facility, but never heard from him after that.
So it isn’t like I’m saying something stupid to scare these people away…it just hasn’t ended up working out. Things seem to come up which screw up what could be a good thing, but alas maybe that is fate, and maybe I am destined to just be single forever, but don’t say that is MUST be my fault, and that I always sleep with the guy on the first date.
[Updated Feb 24th, 2010]
Jim - Jim started following me online around Pride 2009, where I had a very large break down mentally. Not the best time for a possible boyfriend to start reading about your life. One day he saw me on the Muni, and sent me an email on Facebook later that day. We hung out a few weeks later just as friends, getting to know each other, etc. He was kinda seeing this other guy at the time, and I didn’t want to impose or be a “home wrecker.” Our friendship blossomed, and we held hands one day. A few days later, I asked him out on a date. He said yes, and I remember him saying he enjoyed bowling. We went bowling on our date, grabbed ice cream, and just enjoyed each other’s company. A few days later, he said that this couldn’t continue due to a number of concerns he had. We stayed friends, and things eventually became romantic again, then he stopped it again…this happened about five more times (thus far as of writing this on Feb 24th). Every time with us getting close, sometimes kissing, sometimes more, sometimes less, and then almost as if he were to awake from some dream, his feelings would just as suddenly snap, and he wouldn’t even want to be friends. Jim is the closest I’ve gotten to any one person in San Francisco, and quite honestly anyone at all since my best friend in high school over 10 years ago. I am uncertain of the future we have as friends, but I am hopeful that eventually we can work past these feelings we have and be friends.
Adam In Toronto – I met him the first night of a work trip in Toronto in the beginning of November 2009, we talked at The Barn and I ran into a guy I met the previous Toronto Trip, Phil. Adam and I hit it off and hung out every day while I was up there. We finally went out on our first and last date a few hours before I had to fly back to San Francisco. We sat down, had dinner, talked about our lives, goals, etc, but alas he lives in Canada, and I can’t immigrate there. He did come to San Francisco a few months later in February 2010 for 3 days, but things weren’t as we both remembered them, and it was a very strained trip…no dates, just showing him around SF and trying to not kill each other. We remain friends and hopefully will be able to stay that way for life, as for a relationship, I don’t see it in the works.
Leo - You can read all about the date with Leo here…let’s just say that he was already seeing someone else at the time, and at one point in the date even had him join us. Epic fail (on his and my part to be honest).
[Updated Jan 23rd, 2011]
Tatum (March 2010)- We met on some iOS app for gay dating/hookup. We talked for a bit, and finally decided to meet, and had dinner down by Stanford where he was going to school. The date went very wrong fast when he asked me when the last time I had sex was, and in my open and honest nature, I told him it was the day previous. His entire demeanor changed after that. It didn’t go well whatsoever. We did continue to hang out occasionally, and not date, but just go out as friends more or less…although he did meet my parents when they were in town and took us to the Tonga Room. Eventually, I told him I just wasn’t attracted to him, and that it wasn’t going anywhere.
Sam (Jan 21, 2011)- Sam and I also met on a gay hookup/ dating app when he was in town for for No Pants day (apparently he has a history of going to such events based on his facebook albums). We talked for about 3 weeks, and he was quite sweet in trying to work around my schedule for when we would eventually go out. While we were talking and before we met, I went to Chicago and had a sex crazed weekend, and tweeted about it. He went to New Orleans that same weekend and spent it with and I quote, “the boy who would be his boyfriend, if it weren’t for the distance and the fact that he smoked.” We eventually had a nice dinner (although the yams were the best part about the food). We talked about our various tech habits, new apps, jobs, etc. The conversation went quite well, at this point there wasn’t any obvious chemistry, but that might be because he was waiting to spring my past weekend in Chicago on me. On the ride over to The Crunchies after party he stared asking me about my weekend in Chicago, quoting tweets to me such as this one, andthis, and this. He told me that 5 of his friends independent of each other had sent him to my Twitter page to read thru my lascivious activities the previous weekend. No matter how much I tried to explain that while I very much do want a boyfriend, in the meantime I also have needs, wants, desires, etc…and I have always been open and honest about everything…it’s in part why so many people follow me online. Well my behavior the previous weekend was quite the turn off apparently to him. He drove me home and walked me to my front door. We spoke the next day, to which he expressed a desire to never see me again…. making that 1st date number 12…2nd date number zero still.
In all of this, every single guy…I’ve been the person asking them out on a date. I’ve never in my entire life been asked out. That fact alone makes me realize that Nick/Tuck, and maybe in the future moving to a new city is something I might need…yet another new start and lease on life. Who knows what the future hold, but I am almost certain given my train wreck track record, it isn’t anything good, and most certainly doesn’t involved someone who cares or loves me.